IT WAS SCRATCED ON THE DUNNY DOOR

We have a fair bit of chat on the Parramatta forum lately,mostly in fun about a) the food at the ground not being the best and b) a fun thing relating one of the forum members "Bourbon Man" thinking that Ashleigh,one of the cheergirls (my niece) is a bit of allright.Only a fun thing,he's not a stalker or anything--and could well be a silly old sod in his 50's having a bit of fun--the good thing about The Forum being that as a rule nobody knows who the other is--we could well be at the match sitting next to a member and wouldn't know it--anyway I mixed the two things together in


IT WAS SCRATCHED ON THE DUNNY DOOR


I WENT TO THE FOOTY THE OTHER NIGHT,
(AND,HOORAY!!!! PARRA WAS THE WINNER)
BUT,WITH THE KICK OFF BEING HALF PAST FIVE
I DIDN'T HAVE TIME FOR DINNER.
SHE THAT LIVES IN THE KITCHEN SAID
"WILL I MAKE YOU A SANDWICH,DEAR?"
SAYS ME "SHE'S SWEET,I'LL BE RIGHT
I'LL GET SOMETHING AT THE GROUND,NO FEAR."

MIND YOU,MY GUTS TWITCHED AT THE THOUGHT OF THAT
SEE,WE'D BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD BEFORE,
WHEN MY STOMACH DID THE STRANGEST THING
AND BLEW OFF THE DUNNY DOOR.
BUT I THOUGHT TO MYSELF "BUGGER IT,
DON'T BE A BLOODY WIMP."
THOUGH,I HAVE TO SAY,THE PIES LOOKED CROOK
AND THE CHIPS WERE COLD AND LIMP

SO,I SETTLED ON A STALE BREAD BUN
WITH A FRANKFURT,AND SOME SAUCE
SPRING ROLL,WEDGES,PIECE OF FISH
OH! AND A BUCKET OF COKE OF COURSE.
"THAT'LL BE TWENTY DOLLARS AND FIFTY CENTS"
THE COUNTER LADY CAUGHT ME ON THE HOP,
"HANG ON" I SAID,"I'M BUYING DINNER,
NOT THE BLEEDIN SHOP."

ANYWAY,I FORKED IT OUT,AND ATE IT
WHILST SETTLED IN ME SEAT.
I WATCHED THE FLEGG BOYS DO THE BUNNIES
BUT THE PREMIER LADS GOT BEAT.
BUT THEN,WITH MICK SCREAMING DOWN HIS MIKE,
JUST WHEN SPARKY LED THEM OUT
MY STOMACH GAVE A MIGHTY CHURN
AND ME,A DEAFENING SHOUT.

"AAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH,QUICK MOVE OVER VICTOR
MUM GET OUT THE BLOODY WAY.
I'M HEADING FOR THE TOILET BOYS
AND COULD BE THERE ALL DAY.
DOWN THE GRANDSTAND STEPS I BOLTED
HEAD DOWN,AND BODY BENT,
WHILST NIPPING ON THE SPHINCTER
THAT CONTROLS WHAT CAME AND WENT.

WELL I MADE IT,"PHEW",AND I SAT THERE
SO,I GUESS THATS ALL THAT MATTERS,
THOUGH OVER A KILO LOST IN WEIGHT
AND AN ARSEHOLE LEFT IN TATTERS.
OH,THE GAME?--- I DIDN'T SEE IT,
THEY SAY WE WON,FOURTEEN TO FORTY-FOUR,
ALL I SAW WAS "BOURBON MAN LOVES ASHLEIGH"
SCRATCHED ON THE DUNNY DOOR.